http://smilepanic.com/index.php/fun/34-crazy/483-moar.html
http://www.thelastpost.co.nz/index.htm
http://oddee.com/item_96545.aspx
http://www.moillusions.com/category/body-paint-optical-illusions
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
pumpkin pie
Pumpkin Pie
Submitted by Ed:
Mindy and I were out on a date, and it was painfully obvious that she thought very, very highly of herself. "I'm the one my friends come to for advice," she declared, not too long followed by, "My parents come to me for financial consulting," and "I'm a cooking ace in the kitchen."
If true, then that's fine. Still, there's a subtle art to being good at things and not bragging. She volunteered most of this "I'm best at such-and-such" information without pretext. We weren't even talking about cooking. Or financial consulting. Or advice.
After dinner, we made it back to her place, kissing began, and clothing started unbuttoning. Between kisses, she said, "I taste like pumpkin pie."
I stared at her. "What?"
"I taste like pumpkin pie. Lots of guys have told me."
Well, when a girl gives you that sort of invitation, it doesn't really matter how much she's bragged about whatever. I started my work and immediately she asked, "Well?"
I replied, "It tastes like vagina so far."
She shut her legs, clobbering my head, and drew herself into a ball. She said, "Well, that killed the mood. Want to pour some pig vomit on me, while you're at it?"
I didn't know what else to say. I thought this was an overreaction on her part. What did she expect me to say? "Gadzooks! It does taste like pumpkin pie! NOM NOM NOM NOM." No.
She became really unresponsive, and so I decided to leave. Stupidity on my part, perhaps, but definite overreaction on hers. Did give me a hankering for actual pumpkin pie, though
Submitted by Ed:
Mindy and I were out on a date, and it was painfully obvious that she thought very, very highly of herself. "I'm the one my friends come to for advice," she declared, not too long followed by, "My parents come to me for financial consulting," and "I'm a cooking ace in the kitchen."
If true, then that's fine. Still, there's a subtle art to being good at things and not bragging. She volunteered most of this "I'm best at such-and-such" information without pretext. We weren't even talking about cooking. Or financial consulting. Or advice.
After dinner, we made it back to her place, kissing began, and clothing started unbuttoning. Between kisses, she said, "I taste like pumpkin pie."
I stared at her. "What?"
"I taste like pumpkin pie. Lots of guys have told me."
Well, when a girl gives you that sort of invitation, it doesn't really matter how much she's bragged about whatever. I started my work and immediately she asked, "Well?"
I replied, "It tastes like vagina so far."
She shut her legs, clobbering my head, and drew herself into a ball. She said, "Well, that killed the mood. Want to pour some pig vomit on me, while you're at it?"
I didn't know what else to say. I thought this was an overreaction on her part. What did she expect me to say? "Gadzooks! It does taste like pumpkin pie! NOM NOM NOM NOM." No.
She became really unresponsive, and so I decided to leave. Stupidity on my part, perhaps, but definite overreaction on hers. Did give me a hankering for actual pumpkin pie, though
oh ffs
thats it. im officially over having flat mates.
the latest one has been with me roughly 6weeks and in that time hasnt once paid the full amount of rent the owe or bought food or toilet paper and washing powder.
then on wednesday i get woken up at 3am by cops knocking on the door looking for her as she has an arrest warrant out against her for assault.
the latest one has been with me roughly 6weeks and in that time hasnt once paid the full amount of rent the owe or bought food or toilet paper and washing powder.
then on wednesday i get woken up at 3am by cops knocking on the door looking for her as she has an arrest warrant out against her for assault.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
dear diary
……………………………………………….
24th dec 2009
my ride home for xmas left work early and forgot they were picking me up so now i cant get home,and my mums so sad,and i couldnt buy food this week as my shoes fell apart and i only had one pair so i had to replace them and i havnt eaten since monday and now will be spending xmas at home on my own and sad and hungry and im SO SICK at the thought of my mum being sad on xmas eve.
..............
17th jan
my neibs downstairs are drinking and arguing about something and its getting pretty bad.not sure if the neigbs arguing with wifey or a visitor but things have been thrown allready.hesitant to step in as he can be scary when on the booze ( he isnt a wife basher so not concernd about that).
keeping an ear out just in case it gets really bad but it made me wonder what other people do in similar situation.
say you didnt know the people involved,would you step in or call police ect or just ignore it?
last night i stepped in when another neigb came to me for help as she had her house invaded by 5 people who stood over her friend for cellphones.the cops made me very angry by not doing anything except telling the people to leave as they were parked across the road yelling abuse.
HOWEVER!!!
i then found out the friend hadnt told us the whole story and it transpired that the 5 people were the girlfriend and friends of the friends newest boyfriend and the cellphone was his other girlfriends which he had gone and given away.
on top of that the other girlfriend had just discovered he had a new gf and was very (rightfully) angry.so she took it out on the the girl she thought had been cheating with her man.the friend had no idea he was with someone else.but she did know the phone was his "ex's"
so turns out the cops were right to not take it further,but i was still upset for my neigb that they felt it ok that 5 people just walked into her house without knocking and threatend her aswell as the friend.
ok so looking forward to move.
friday night(15th jan 2010):
neigb has two friends,a male and a female who used to be together but are seperated,come to stay with her. they come up to my bday and scab drinks and smokes all night,but i enjoyed the females company and stood up for her when her ex tells her she has to go change cause her dress is too short.i make her put it back on as it was major gorgeous and she really liked it.i told him i would knock him on his arse if i heard him ever telling any female what she could or could not wear.( was a wee bit drunk by this stage and feeling assertive)she goes clubbing with neigb and leaves him behind.all night he bitches about being in lover with her but she not kee.
next4 days are full of fights between them resulting in him moving to kaitaia.
very next day she hooks up with hisbest friend.phone fights ensue and threats are made.they all turn up to my house every hour or so for advice.i ignore them and play on puta.
(postscript.found out today wasnt the girlfriend at all but the guys SISTER who thought he was still with gf((and he was)) and pissed)
today (about 4 days later):
same girl comes over (the friend whom i shall now call pita ((PAIN IN THE ASS)) ) today and while lounging and scrounging (ciggys) gets a txt from a friends girlfriend(not the same one as above) who is seriously pissed as pita has sent her boyfriend a txt message saying she loves him when can she see him mushy mushy rah rah blah blah blah.pita says it was an accident txt was meant for her own bf and sent to wrong number by mistake.
other girl doesnt believe her and says she is on her way over to smash her.
pita panics and locks MY doors and shuts MY curtains which i promptly reopen.
i tell her to either stop txting this chick or get her bf to call her and explain,she wont do either and requests to hide up here and i say no as going out to dentist and anyway the poor neigb she is staying with is asleep in an unlocked flat downstairs with no clue whats going on.pita continues to panic wanting to ring 111 ect.finaley i call local police station to ask for their advice on situation and they say to tell her to leave property or to wait till they turn up and call 111 if desperatly needed but not if they arnt actually attacking anything as theres a major crisis going on just out of town and all the cops are out there dealing with it.
i hang up,go wake neigb and explain then kick pita out so i can leave.
pita txts me about twenty minutes after i get home asking to come up
and i say no,dont want people around me.
half an hour ago she txts asking can she crash here as theyre txtn her again (ooh scary!a written threat )
i txt back no.i dont want people around me.and to b honest im kinda over all the dramas. dont want you to visit anymore.
no reply but i know there will be. how would you all have dealt with this situation? have i dont the right thing or am i a total bitch?
………………………………………………..
26th January 2010
yeah.
feeling really crappy.
ok this is what happened.
got a good friend staying with me who was in a very violent relationship for years.i met her last year when she became a client at work and living under a bridge. she moved in with me and we got her sorted with work and a house but recently she moved back in.
we have a mutual friend who is a really good bro and recently she was sharing a house with him but he met and fell for a girl for the first time in years which is huge as he had his heart broken before.in the whole time ive known him ive never even seen him interested in a girl.
well she moved in with me to give them space and it made sense as we are moving on 9th into our own whare anyway.
today he txt me asking for a loan and i was broke and said no sorry just spent it all,so he txted her for a loan.i txted him to let him know she got no cred and isnt at home but he kept txting her all day.tonight he turns up pissed and has a go at her verbally for not txting him.or lending him cash.then drinks with the neigbs downstairs. i hit him up but he just keeps yelling abuse at her,nasty derogitive shit about her being useless and no good then he throws a beer can at her,so i turned the hose on him.sent her inside and locked the door and chilled out but this just gave me time toi get more angry.
went out again for a smoke and he returned from where ever he went and my mate was walking out the driveway to go stay at her mums house cause she is really upset and he pushed her on the shoulder.not a violent attack push,more of a hey pay attention to me push(ive seen them play fight much harder) but i lost the plot .
so now he's fucked off at me,she is in tears over "causing trouble " (not EVEN), and my hands really fucking sore.
and im feeling really crappy which is why i lost it in the first place.im very intolerant when im unwell.
i tell you what,he better be turning up full of apologies and shame or he is going to get acrack.
the last thing this girl needs is uncalled for personal attacks. i know he is hurting for some reason and im pretty damned certain he is off his meds but you DO NOT fuck with my family and she is now.
i love him but he is walking a really thin line.when he left he turned out of the driveway (drunk driving) and drove the wrong way up the street (concrete medium seperating the lanes and your only allwed to turn left out of our drive,he turned right.)
he is back at the neighbs and im going to bed as i hurt all over now and im likely to makew things worse.
oh btw, my flatty did NOTHING wrong. at all. he just turned up and started shit.its totally unlike him too i have never ever seen him angry let alone nasty.
he wanted money to drink which is fine,but the drink has made him nasty and agravated whatevers going on inside him.i think his new gf,the first woman he has trusted in years has cheated on him.i knew before they hooked up that she was seeing someone else but thought she had dumped them for him.i dont know her well so cant say weither she is trustworthy or not,but from his attitude tonight i get the feeling its not good.
………………………………
27.th jan 2010
just seen my 2nd fight in two days.but this time as a watcher not participant.
neighbour downstairs(lets call her bella for no reason other than i like the name) had a friend move in 3 days ago which i warned friend about as i know the chick and her last flatmate and the chick (whom i shall now call CJC (crazy jesus chick) due to her strange religous beliefs and over abundance of mental problems) is trouble with a capital everything.
CJC starts causing shit with her psycotic rambelings and bella and her other guests are getting annoyed with it.one in particular is my good friend mr grumpy from last night who is now mr behaving himself and he cant stand cjc either and tells her to not talk to him as she is trying to convert him and he is trying to chill out in the sun.
meanwhile im standing on balcony upstairs grinning to myself at it all when it errupts into a fist fight between cjc and one of the female guests who cjc called a thief.bella trys to stop them,i take out my phone and start filming them,mr behaving himself starts laughing and neighbours over the fence start taking bets.
this carrys on for a while with me trying to get better view and film them while theyre in the shade and mr bh deciding to try and stop them,then bella asks me to ring crisis team at hospital to come take her elsewhere and proceeds to throw all her gear out on the driveway.
i call them but they say call the cops and i wont,so bella does. nearly an hour later mini fights still happening,no sign of police and cjc wont leave, going on about a scarf stolen from around her neck ( honestly there was no scarf!)
so eventually mr bh gets a sober friend to drive and they bundle her (still swearing and stuff) into thew car to drop off elsewhere.
was fucking awesome. im gonna miss the dramas.
.............
so its 4am and im wide awake and shaking.
was lying in bed trying to go to sleep when i hear a scream and yelling and thuds and bangs and moaning then my neighb next saying can someone please call the cops,i havnt got a phone can some one call the cops. so i got up and rung 111 and told them wat i was hearing and then went outside for a look and could see my neigb walking over the road to the shops in her nighty.had a smoke and before i finished it the vcops came,4 cars of them with a dog in one, and went to her and it turns out her son had bashed her and her daughter.
earlier in the night id rung the cops as he had punched his sister.
stupid me txtd in to zb as they were just talking about police response time,but the host thought i was trying to spam him and dared me to ring so i did.again stupid me.he didnt believe a word of it.i know i shouldnt of rung but im freakingf out and just wanted to talk to someone.it was really bad over there.the worst ive seen yet.
24th dec 2009
my ride home for xmas left work early and forgot they were picking me up so now i cant get home,and my mums so sad,and i couldnt buy food this week as my shoes fell apart and i only had one pair so i had to replace them and i havnt eaten since monday and now will be spending xmas at home on my own and sad and hungry and im SO SICK at the thought of my mum being sad on xmas eve.
..............
17th jan
my neibs downstairs are drinking and arguing about something and its getting pretty bad.not sure if the neigbs arguing with wifey or a visitor but things have been thrown allready.hesitant to step in as he can be scary when on the booze ( he isnt a wife basher so not concernd about that).
keeping an ear out just in case it gets really bad but it made me wonder what other people do in similar situation.
say you didnt know the people involved,would you step in or call police ect or just ignore it?
last night i stepped in when another neigb came to me for help as she had her house invaded by 5 people who stood over her friend for cellphones.the cops made me very angry by not doing anything except telling the people to leave as they were parked across the road yelling abuse.
HOWEVER!!!
i then found out the friend hadnt told us the whole story and it transpired that the 5 people were the girlfriend and friends of the friends newest boyfriend and the cellphone was his other girlfriends which he had gone and given away.
on top of that the other girlfriend had just discovered he had a new gf and was very (rightfully) angry.so she took it out on the the girl she thought had been cheating with her man.the friend had no idea he was with someone else.but she did know the phone was his "ex's"
so turns out the cops were right to not take it further,but i was still upset for my neigb that they felt it ok that 5 people just walked into her house without knocking and threatend her aswell as the friend.
ok so looking forward to move.
friday night(15th jan 2010):
neigb has two friends,a male and a female who used to be together but are seperated,come to stay with her. they come up to my bday and scab drinks and smokes all night,but i enjoyed the females company and stood up for her when her ex tells her she has to go change cause her dress is too short.i make her put it back on as it was major gorgeous and she really liked it.i told him i would knock him on his arse if i heard him ever telling any female what she could or could not wear.( was a wee bit drunk by this stage and feeling assertive)she goes clubbing with neigb and leaves him behind.all night he bitches about being in lover with her but she not kee.
next4 days are full of fights between them resulting in him moving to kaitaia.
very next day she hooks up with hisbest friend.phone fights ensue and threats are made.they all turn up to my house every hour or so for advice.i ignore them and play on puta.
(postscript.found out today wasnt the girlfriend at all but the guys SISTER who thought he was still with gf((and he was)) and pissed)
today (about 4 days later):
same girl comes over (the friend whom i shall now call pita ((PAIN IN THE ASS)) ) today and while lounging and scrounging (ciggys) gets a txt from a friends girlfriend(not the same one as above) who is seriously pissed as pita has sent her boyfriend a txt message saying she loves him when can she see him mushy mushy rah rah blah blah blah.pita says it was an accident txt was meant for her own bf and sent to wrong number by mistake.
other girl doesnt believe her and says she is on her way over to smash her.
pita panics and locks MY doors and shuts MY curtains which i promptly reopen.
i tell her to either stop txting this chick or get her bf to call her and explain,she wont do either and requests to hide up here and i say no as going out to dentist and anyway the poor neigb she is staying with is asleep in an unlocked flat downstairs with no clue whats going on.pita continues to panic wanting to ring 111 ect.finaley i call local police station to ask for their advice on situation and they say to tell her to leave property or to wait till they turn up and call 111 if desperatly needed but not if they arnt actually attacking anything as theres a major crisis going on just out of town and all the cops are out there dealing with it.
i hang up,go wake neigb and explain then kick pita out so i can leave.
pita txts me about twenty minutes after i get home asking to come up
and i say no,dont want people around me.
half an hour ago she txts asking can she crash here as theyre txtn her again (ooh scary!a written threat )
i txt back no.i dont want people around me.and to b honest im kinda over all the dramas. dont want you to visit anymore.
no reply but i know there will be. how would you all have dealt with this situation? have i dont the right thing or am i a total bitch?
………………………………………………..
26th January 2010
yeah.
feeling really crappy.
ok this is what happened.
got a good friend staying with me who was in a very violent relationship for years.i met her last year when she became a client at work and living under a bridge. she moved in with me and we got her sorted with work and a house but recently she moved back in.
we have a mutual friend who is a really good bro and recently she was sharing a house with him but he met and fell for a girl for the first time in years which is huge as he had his heart broken before.in the whole time ive known him ive never even seen him interested in a girl.
well she moved in with me to give them space and it made sense as we are moving on 9th into our own whare anyway.
today he txt me asking for a loan and i was broke and said no sorry just spent it all,so he txted her for a loan.i txted him to let him know she got no cred and isnt at home but he kept txting her all day.tonight he turns up pissed and has a go at her verbally for not txting him.or lending him cash.then drinks with the neigbs downstairs. i hit him up but he just keeps yelling abuse at her,nasty derogitive shit about her being useless and no good then he throws a beer can at her,so i turned the hose on him.sent her inside and locked the door and chilled out but this just gave me time toi get more angry.
went out again for a smoke and he returned from where ever he went and my mate was walking out the driveway to go stay at her mums house cause she is really upset and he pushed her on the shoulder.not a violent attack push,more of a hey pay attention to me push(ive seen them play fight much harder) but i lost the plot .
so now he's fucked off at me,she is in tears over "causing trouble " (not EVEN), and my hands really fucking sore.
and im feeling really crappy which is why i lost it in the first place.im very intolerant when im unwell.
i tell you what,he better be turning up full of apologies and shame or he is going to get acrack.
the last thing this girl needs is uncalled for personal attacks. i know he is hurting for some reason and im pretty damned certain he is off his meds but you DO NOT fuck with my family and she is now.
i love him but he is walking a really thin line.when he left he turned out of the driveway (drunk driving) and drove the wrong way up the street (concrete medium seperating the lanes and your only allwed to turn left out of our drive,he turned right.)
he is back at the neighbs and im going to bed as i hurt all over now and im likely to makew things worse.
oh btw, my flatty did NOTHING wrong. at all. he just turned up and started shit.its totally unlike him too i have never ever seen him angry let alone nasty.
he wanted money to drink which is fine,but the drink has made him nasty and agravated whatevers going on inside him.i think his new gf,the first woman he has trusted in years has cheated on him.i knew before they hooked up that she was seeing someone else but thought she had dumped them for him.i dont know her well so cant say weither she is trustworthy or not,but from his attitude tonight i get the feeling its not good.
………………………………
27.th jan 2010
just seen my 2nd fight in two days.but this time as a watcher not participant.
neighbour downstairs(lets call her bella for no reason other than i like the name) had a friend move in 3 days ago which i warned friend about as i know the chick and her last flatmate and the chick (whom i shall now call CJC (crazy jesus chick) due to her strange religous beliefs and over abundance of mental problems) is trouble with a capital everything.
CJC starts causing shit with her psycotic rambelings and bella and her other guests are getting annoyed with it.one in particular is my good friend mr grumpy from last night who is now mr behaving himself and he cant stand cjc either and tells her to not talk to him as she is trying to convert him and he is trying to chill out in the sun.
meanwhile im standing on balcony upstairs grinning to myself at it all when it errupts into a fist fight between cjc and one of the female guests who cjc called a thief.bella trys to stop them,i take out my phone and start filming them,mr behaving himself starts laughing and neighbours over the fence start taking bets.
this carrys on for a while with me trying to get better view and film them while theyre in the shade and mr bh deciding to try and stop them,then bella asks me to ring crisis team at hospital to come take her elsewhere and proceeds to throw all her gear out on the driveway.
i call them but they say call the cops and i wont,so bella does. nearly an hour later mini fights still happening,no sign of police and cjc wont leave, going on about a scarf stolen from around her neck ( honestly there was no scarf!)
so eventually mr bh gets a sober friend to drive and they bundle her (still swearing and stuff) into thew car to drop off elsewhere.
was fucking awesome. im gonna miss the dramas.
.............
so its 4am and im wide awake and shaking.
was lying in bed trying to go to sleep when i hear a scream and yelling and thuds and bangs and moaning then my neighb next saying can someone please call the cops,i havnt got a phone can some one call the cops. so i got up and rung 111 and told them wat i was hearing and then went outside for a look and could see my neigb walking over the road to the shops in her nighty.had a smoke and before i finished it the vcops came,4 cars of them with a dog in one, and went to her and it turns out her son had bashed her and her daughter.
earlier in the night id rung the cops as he had punched his sister.
stupid me txtd in to zb as they were just talking about police response time,but the host thought i was trying to spam him and dared me to ring so i did.again stupid me.he didnt believe a word of it.i know i shouldnt of rung but im freakingf out and just wanted to talk to someone.it was really bad over there.the worst ive seen yet.
Friday, January 22, 2010
good grief
Better Planning Needed: Brier Cutlip, 22, and Paul Bragg, 25, who were on parole and prohibited from possessing firearms, were re-arrested in December in Elkins, W.Va., when they showed up for a parole appointment. However, they had just come in from a day of hunting and were still wearing orange vests, alerting the parole officer to the fact that they had been firing guns all day. [WBOY-TV (Clarksburg, W.Va.), 12-3-09]
Grandville Lindsey, 30, on probation in Beaumont, Texas, after a child-sex conviction and prohibited from visiting any "social" Web sites, was re-arrested in November when he sent a Twitter alert to a woman he had met while in the probation office, asking to include her as an online "friend." [Beaumont Enterprise, 12-1-09]
Things You Thought Didn't Happen British Museum officials announced in September that the hoard of 7th-century Anglo-Saxon gold and silver treasure discovered on land in Staffordshire (at least 1,500 pieces, including crosses and parts of helmets and daggers) would take a year to evaluate fully but could be worth "many times" the 1 million pounds ($1.6 million) archaeologists initially estimated. The treasure was discovered by an unemployed 55-year-old man using one of the widely ridiculed, hand-held metal detectors that beachcombers favor to recover loose coins in the sand. [BBC News, 9-24-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (April 2001) Hillsborough, England, was the site of a soccer stadium disaster in 1989, in which 96 fans were crushed to death. In March 2001, the government revealed that a police officer who worked at that site beginning in 1998 nonetheless acquired post-traumatic stress disorder from continually imagining the 1989 carnage and for that received a disability settlement from the government of the equivalent of about $560,000. That amount, according to a report in London's Guardian, is more than 100 times what was paid to any of the families of the 96 people who were killed at the site. [Guardian Weekly, 3-14-01]
Grandville Lindsey, 30, on probation in Beaumont, Texas, after a child-sex conviction and prohibited from visiting any "social" Web sites, was re-arrested in November when he sent a Twitter alert to a woman he had met while in the probation office, asking to include her as an online "friend." [Beaumont Enterprise, 12-1-09]
Things You Thought Didn't Happen British Museum officials announced in September that the hoard of 7th-century Anglo-Saxon gold and silver treasure discovered on land in Staffordshire (at least 1,500 pieces, including crosses and parts of helmets and daggers) would take a year to evaluate fully but could be worth "many times" the 1 million pounds ($1.6 million) archaeologists initially estimated. The treasure was discovered by an unemployed 55-year-old man using one of the widely ridiculed, hand-held metal detectors that beachcombers favor to recover loose coins in the sand. [BBC News, 9-24-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (April 2001) Hillsborough, England, was the site of a soccer stadium disaster in 1989, in which 96 fans were crushed to death. In March 2001, the government revealed that a police officer who worked at that site beginning in 1998 nonetheless acquired post-traumatic stress disorder from continually imagining the 1989 carnage and for that received a disability settlement from the government of the equivalent of about $560,000. That amount, according to a report in London's Guardian, is more than 100 times what was paid to any of the families of the 96 people who were killed at the site. [Guardian Weekly, 3-14-01]
omg! bwahahaha!
In October, Britain's Association of Chief Police Officers prepared a guidebook of instructions for bicycle-duty officers on how to ride a bike. The book was 93 pages long, containing such assistance as a diagram on how to turn left or right ("deployment into a junction"). (Following widespread ridicule, the association decided in November not to release it.) [Agence France-Presse, 11-12-09]
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